Dept. of Remorse Management • Form SRY-1, Rev. B (Peer-Reviewed)

The Apologizer™

The only apology generator backed by actual published science, which, when you think about it, is a sad thing for science.
Built on Lewicki et al., 2016 N = 755 Real Humans 6 Validated Components
SORRIES ISSUED THIS SESSION: 0

Researchers at Ohio State studied 755 people and determined that every effective apology has six parts. They also found that "asking for forgiveness" is the least important part, meaning you can skip it, which is the single greatest finding in the history of research. We took this seriously. Nobody asked us to. Here we are.

Intake Form

Genuinely Sorry

Apology Components

Per Lewicki, Polin & Lount (2016). Uncheck at your own risk. The science is watching.
Acknowledgment of Responsibility wt. 30 — the big oneScience says this is the most important part. Which figures, because it's the hardest.
Offer of Repair wt. 25Talk is cheap. This is where you commit to actually fixing it. Legally... well, morally binding.
Expression of Regret wt. 15The classic. The "I'm sorry." A real crowd-pleaser since the dawn of language.
Explanation of What Went Wrong wt. 15Not an excuse. There's a difference. A small one. Microscopic, some would say.
Declaration of Repentance wt. 15The part where you say it won't happen again. Historically, it happens again.
Request for Forgiveness wt. 5 — scientifically optionalRanked dead last by 755 human beings. Off by default. We don't make the rules. Ohio State makes the rules.
🍁 Canadian ModeApologizes for the apology. Then apologizes for that. A national pastime, now in software form.
🍁
🚬 Deadpan ModeDelivers the apology like a man telling a very long story at a funeral, and the story is going great.
😐
No apology issued yet.
The Bureau is standing by.

You know what they say about the man who never apologized. Well, they say a lot of things. None of them good.

The Science, Such As It Is

All of the following is real. That's the joke. The joke is that it's real.

Six components. Not five. Not seven.

Researchers tested apologies on 755 people across two studies and found that apologies work better the more of the six components they include, and that acknowledging responsibility matters most, followed by an offer of repair. The paper appeared in an actual journal about negotiation and conflict.

Lewicki, Polin & Lount (2016), Negotiation and Conflict Management Research, 9(2). So a guy spends his whole career studying apologies, and his big finding is: say it's your fault and offer to fix it. Anyway, they gave him professor emeritus for that. Good work if you can get it.

Asking for forgiveness: scientifically the worst part

Across both studies, the request for forgiveness was rated the least important element of an apology. In the researcher's own words, that's the one you can leave out if you have to. Critics note it puts the wronged person on the spot, which is a fancy way of saying it makes your apology about you.

Same study. They were very sure about this part. Which means that for thousands of years, people got down on their knees begging for forgiveness, and it turns out that was the skippable part. The kneeling. All that kneeling, for nothing.

Apologizing too fast backfires

Research on apology timing found that later apologies were more effective than earlier ones, because the wronged person first needs to feel heard and understood. A separate study of ride-share customer service found early apologies can read as perfunctory and insincere, and that repeated apologies to the same person actively backfire.

Frantz & Bennigson (2005), J. Experimental Social Psychology; plus field data from a large ride-share platform. So the science says: when you wrong somebody, the professional move is to wait. Just stand there a while. Let it breathe, like a wine. Then apologize. Nobody said science had to be intuitive.

Competence vs. integrity: know your category

The same research found apologies work better when the offense was a competence problem (you messed up) than an integrity problem (you knew and did it anyway). The apology components themselves carried the same relative weight either way, but the ceiling is lower when you did it on purpose.

Also Lewicki et al. The man was thorough. In other words, science confirms there's a difference between "I ate your sandwich by accident" and "I ate your sandwich and I'd do it again." Seven hundred and fifty-five people were consulted on this.